Recently I saw a youtube short that showed the experience of a woman that we can all relate to on some level. In this short, a woman covers herself up with layers to look like a man. In the comments, many ladies related to how women feel the need to do this to protect themselves, especially at night from men.
This is a very true and unfortunate fact of being a woman, the constant fear we face to be ourselves. One particular comment stuck out to me. She said, “ Anything relating to femininity is scary to me.” I said wow, this is the reason. This is the reason why women don’t want to be seen and heard. This is why most women are hesitant to look, act, or be feminine. Fear, they are scared of the bad things that can happen.
*Trigger warning. This post contains brief talk about sexual abuse and trauma.
Looking at my own life
I have been working on this for some time now and only this year have I been making my confidence a top priority in my life. That’s why this year I made a vow to invest heavily in myself, my health, my beauty, and my well-being. Because I realized how important having confidence is. In this journey to greater self-confidence, two things became apparent to me.
First, being comfortable around men is a learned skill that is very important for women. There is a collective wound when it comes to the divine feminine of this planet and it is being taken advantage of by men. Trauma does not just pertain to this life. I believe and know in fact that trauma is inherited in our DNA.
This is because when we go through negative experiences, our brain will remember that more than a positive experience. We pass this down to our offspring to protect them from having a similar experience. This is evolution and it all has a reason. Unfortunately, this can leave scars on us.
My theory
My theory is that we inherit sexual trauma from past lives ancestors, or from seeing things in this life. Even if, in this life, you have not had an experience of being harmed by a man, most likely you have been affected by it. You know someone, who knows someone. Or you just hold that in your DNA. So basically this fear of men is deeply ingrained in us from all levels.
It makes us want to shrink down, and become invisible and not be noticed. This is why we feel safer most times in sweats and hoodies. A large coat, baggy clothes, and the very androgynous and borderline masculine clothing that is being pushed at us today.
This is why you don’t see a lot of women dress up when they leave the house. It could be because it’s more effort, but it’s also less safe in their eyes. To be feminine means to show your femininity, which could mean showing that you are a woman. All this leads to a very common thing, the fear of femininity. The fear of being seen. The perpetual cycle of women wanting to be small and blend in. I know I have had to push myself to be bolder and it’s something I do every day. It’s uncomfortable at first and every day I get a little better. 1% more confidence is the goal, as the book, atomic habits would say.
Sexual trauma is more than physical
I have been pondering on this idea for a while now, and am finally ready to share it because I know I am not the only one. Recently, I have been doing my shadow work and cannot seem to understand why I seem to have this fear of something that has never happened to me, to my conscious awareness. What I have come to realize is that sexual trauma is more than just physical. In today’s world, where we have access to so many horrific things, it’s easy to discount our own experiences because they don’t seem traumatic enough.
However, in my research and experience, the trauma itself is not the most important thing. What is important is our reaction to it, and how that memory is stuck or affecting our body, mind, and spirit. Meaning that two people can go through the same experience with two completely different reactions. Some people can watch movies, tv, or visual stimuli and become traumatized, some won’t. For empathic people like me, you might be the former.
Why do we need to guard our subconscious mind?
It makes sense when you think of it from a logical perspective. Our brain cannot tell the difference between when something is happening to us or when it is being visualized. In that same way, when we watch a movie ( A VISUALIZATION ) we might believe we are in that situation. Our subconscious mind is taking in that information and we are in that state of receptivity.
This hypnotic state is called the theta and/or alpha brainwave state. They both vary but are the closest states we get to our subconscious mind while waking. Therefore, when we are watching a movie or tv show, we cannot separate ourselves from what we are watching. And we pay for it, through trauma.
I believe that these graphic depictions trigger that part of our DNA and tell us to be very scared. I believe these ‘harmless’ and nonphysical experiences we have, such as being catcalled, harassed, or watching violent depictions on tv can trigger that part of our DNA and tell us to be cautious. It seems to activate a trauma response that brings about those same feelings, thoughts, and behaviors our ancestors and/or past selves have endured. This of course causes paranoia, anxiety, feeling of guilt, shame, and a plethora of other emotions in us.
Why I stopped watching scary movies
This is a reason why I have had to greatly reduce the amount of tv I watch. I stopped watching virtually all horror movies and only watch suspense (rarely) now. Even that can cause paranoia in me. I can’t even watch more than a couple of tv series episodes a day, or I will literally start dreaming about it! A REAL life example of this is the show 13 reasons why. I watched the first seasons and had to stop. It deeply traumatized me to the point where I had nightmares and felt very disgusting for a while afterward.
After that, I knew once and for all that I cannot handle tv and movies as I thought. It’s like I absorbed the actual energy of it and took it as my own and it’s not okay. With that being said, I’d like women to understand that if you’re going through similar experiences as to what I am describing, you’re not alone. And things are much deeper than we have been taught.
Manifesting beauty, men & weight loss
I’d like to talk about how this fear of femininity is affecting your manifestations. We have already realized that this fear of femininity is affecting our confidence. This could directly correlate to your manifestations.
Weight loss & men
If you are trying to manifest something like your dream body, a partner, or any beauty-related thing. If you are scared of being seen, you won’t want to lose weight or get in shape.
Because you fear that you will get too much attention from men, or women. So why would your body help you achieve something that your brain believes will harm you? If you are manifesting a partner, but are scared of men and masculinity.
Then why would you attract a masculine man, when your brain believes he will abuse you? This is why a lot of women who say they want masculine men, attract feminine men. Partly because they could be masculine themselves. Or they are not ready for that kind of man because it is scary to her.
Beauty
If you want to manifest beauty in any way, you might be self-sabotaging it because you don’t want to attract men specifically to you. A Lot of women have this limiting belief that if they are too pretty or attractive that men will be harassing them, or won’t leave them alone.
This is majorly blocking men from you! Some have a belief that being too pretty will intimidate men. To that, if a man wants you, he will make it known ( if he is confident). Second, you don’t want men who are not confident or intimidated by you anyway. Quality over quantity.
Final thoughts
As you can see, A Lot goes on behind the scenes of your femininity journey and it is more than just you working on your physical appearance or using manipulative tactics to get men. This is deep, and doing that deep work benefits you, your family, and the entire collective.
