How To Make Failure Meaningful

This is my story about failure, and what it taught me. The real fear is not failure itself, it’s being seen as a failure. This is what holds so many people back from living in their true purpose. My goal is to reframe your perspective of failure, so you can embrace it as just another part of your journey. Everything was working out in my favor the entire time. It took me a while to realize it, but I’m glad I did.

My complicated history with the infamous J.O.B 

I have a pretty lengthy history of failure so let’s start with jobs. I got my first job when I was sixteen. I had applied for the Oakland zoo two weeks before my 16th birthday. I was very excited, first jobs are always a big deal. This was my time to make my own money, support myself, and maybe get my life back on track. The cost of living in the bay area was pretty high, so I wasn’t sure what I was expecting.

I planned to work on the weekends, during school breaks, and during the summer. This is what I did, and within the first few months, I immediately knew this life was not for me. I HATED being told what to do and I felt like a slave. I hated having to give up my weekends and holidays and wanted to rest. I couldn’t hang out like a regular teen my age. Plus, I felt like I was always doing more work than I was compensated for.

It was doomed from the start

The job would have been bearable, but as a highly sensitive person, I was doomed from the start. I had very mean managers and supervisors that treated me like number two ( and not in the chain of command). This was a karmic pattern that I faced at almost all of my jobs. The supervisors would be mean to me or talk down on me because I was young, and I did things my way.

I simply noticed things could be done better, and I did that. As we know, the job environment is not really for innovators. Of course, that may be slightly changing in the bigger environments. However, for the lower working class, it certainly is not.

The most emotionally scaring was having an older woman curse at me and made me cry! I must shorten the story of unfortunate events. This pattern went on for years. The zoo was my longest job at 1 year and one month. After that, I set out on a mission to find the perfect job. The one that played the best, I could grow in and feel appreciated.

These were mostly cashier and customer service jobs. As a high schooler and soon college freshman, I had a small pool to choose from. Indeed was my best friend and for some reason, people kept on hiring me!

It was downhill from there…

At one job I actually quit at the 6th hour. It was a grassroots job at a grocery store and I just couldn’t do it. I felt so drained from all those interactions. 

I thought I finally made it out of the loop after I quit my job at Ikea and moved across the street to this high-end furniture store. Ten thousand-dollar cloud couches and luxury forks were my new thing. I was so happy because Ikea was too fast-paced; I needed a break from the hustle.

To my dismay, at this store, it was wayyyyy too slow. All I did was sit behind a counter and occasionally help with a pickup, make calls and organize. Funny enough I got what I wanted, but not how I wanted it. Around that time I also started working as an assistant for a real estate broker as I was pursuing my real estate license. Which I do have, but that’s another story involving my altar ego.

As a side note, service workers do not get enough credit. The work they do often gets pushed to the side. They make the world go round and deserve better. That’s why, I always remember to be nice to the cashiers, and retail workers. They are human too, and not our servants.

The first job I liked

To my surprise, loved being an assistant! I loved helping and being of service. The difference between this and retail was that this one person with a big mission I supported. As an introvert, I found my niche, the power was in the small things. My boss was so sweet and amazing, I only left because it was in the next city and I wasn’t being paid a lot. I couldn’t keep up with two jobs, despite it being the norm in the bay area.

I continued at the furniture store and looked for other assistant jobs with more to offer. This was early 2020, months before the apocalypse. I started selling phones at a random place and left after a week. Next, I began to work at a freezing cold warehouse. After three weeks and a borderline carpal tunnel in my hands, march 2020 happened. And we know that was a mess.

The reason I was never meant to work

Now I must explore the reasons why these jobs didn’t work for me. It’s a lot to unpack, but to start I am an introvert! The constant fake smiles and greetings felt like torture. I like people, but no one likes being forced to exist as something they are not. Managers are always looking over your shoulder judging you, as they sit behind the counter on their phones.

I am also a projector. If you are familiar with human design, you know we have a different calling. I’m empathic when it comes to people’s emotions and behaviors towards me. I cant help it but to be a mirror. In the world of hungry people and angry customers, that’s just that.

This was a lethal combination and it caused severe emotional burnout for me. I remember feeling depressed because my life was not working. I was not happy, and it seemed to be normal to hate your job. Everyone was doing this and seemed fine. Naturally, I assumed something was wrong with me. 

( BTW I love being an introverted, highly sensitive projector. I just know my strengths and weaknesses. )

I never understood how most people could function on 18-hour work days. Then here I was, feeling like I was going to die on six-eight. I used to just cry all the time because I was so unhappy, lost, and exhausted. I knew I couldn’t do this forever or even for a long time. I knew that this would be the death of me.

It was giving very much suicidal ideation at this point. I was not made for this mundane life. So I decided to take a risk. I’m either gonna be homeless and happy with no job and no income, or I’m gonna find a way. This was around the time I discovered law of attraction and spirtuality. I decided that things were going to change for me.

The Side hustles I’ve done

I always knew that I would be an owner of something, ever since I was young. I also knew that I would get out of school early. I remember in 5th grade I said I will graduate early, and to my surprise I did. It was very unexpected, so I didn’t apply for universities as a sophomore.

I was taking summer classes before I graduated high school in 2018, all while struggling to find a place to live. I had a lot on my plate around this time. Still, no matter what I had to find a way out. This is what prompted me to dabble with side hustles. I wanted to create a life for myself that I actually wanted to live.

I’ve tried… a lot

To keep it short and sweet, over the periods from then to now ( march 2022 ), I have tried a little bit of everything. I have tried several side hustles, from drop shipping to product-based businesses. In the future, I might go into detail on the more unorthodox things I’ve tried. It’s a market for everything… trust me.

I’ve had three Shopify stores, multiple branded Instagrams, and a podcast. I’ve tried those random side hustles like Audiobook narration, user testing, odd jobs from Craigslist, and a bunch of other redundant things. 

I’ve done it all just to find my way. I wanted to avoid the trap of working till I’m gray. Just to retire, get sick and poof, it’s over. I’ve done all this because when I made that choice to be different, and to be happy, it was something I did in the core of my soul. Coincidentally enough every time I tried to apply for a job, after 2020, it never worked.

The world changed that year, and the old way just didn’t work anymore. I never had an issue getting a job, that all changed when the world ended and began. When we make choices, that are stronger than our past pains, they become imprinted in us.

In Dr. Joe Dispenza’s book, you are the placebo ( my favorite ) he explains it this way.

“The elevated emotion is vital, because only when your choice carries an amplitude of energy that’s greater than the hardwired programs in your brain and the emotional addiction in your body will you be able to change your brain’s circuitry and your body’s genetic expression, as well as recondition your body to a new mind (erasing any trace of the old neurocircuitry and conditioning).”

Every time I tried to go against my calling and my true alignment I got pushed in another direction. It was because I have more to offer the world than to make hotdogs or even sell an armchair. I’m trying to raise the collective consciousness, and I need to think big to do that! Things were not meant to stay the same, and people like me (and you) know this. 

What I learned after failing dozens of times.

Okay, so now that we have all that covered. Here’s what I learned.

All of the years failing could have been corrected with this one word. Alignment. Alignment. Alignment! I want to scream this from the top of the roof. I learned that no matter what I do if it is not aligned with my soul’s mission, it ain’t happening.

If you are not doing what you know in your heart is right, you face resistance. Your spirit fights with your ego, and spirit always wins. Rather it’s 50 years later or 5 minutes from now.

Even if you get the money or the so-called success. You won’t feel right about it. From the outside looking in everything may seem to be perfect. On the inside you will be unfulfilled, burnt out, and probably depressed.

I’m not saying that you have to be passionate about every business venture you do. But… Ultimately, it should all be somewhat connected to your greater mission. Isn’t that the purpose of life, to build the world we want ourselves and our children to live in?

Are you in alignment?

This is why I had no luck in all these jobs, side hustles, and weird money-making activities. It all comes down to alignment. Are you doing what your soul urges you to do? Are you being authentic and living your best life? 

If you’re not, you are not living in integrity with your being. Honor yourself, and choose you first. For once, choose what you’ve always wanted. It’s not about what they want from you. What do you want from yourself?!

Decide right now that you come first. Declare, I will become aligned to my higher calling, and I will not stop until I feel so full of love, light, and peace! I will make this a priority and I will follow the divine breadcrumbs every day until it starts to feel so yummy and amazing!

I will stay persistent. I will be uncomfortable because I know that means I’m growing. I will no longer affirm the old story. I don’t care what the 3D shows me, I am in control! I am the god of my reality, and it does not get to rule me! The past doesn’t exist, 53% is a fabrication anyway. The future is the only thing that matters.

It is so simple and so easy once I understood it, all those years I struggled seemed so trivial. If I would have had the ah-hah moment earlier, I could have flipped the switch. Nevertheless, I’m glad I went through the journey because now I am that much wiser because of it all. I have experience and several lifetimes of wisdom to share now.

My new strategy

I do not do anything I am not aligned with. If it is not fun, I will not do it. I live my life, and I run my business based on divine breadcrumbs. Meaning, I allow spirit to channel information to and through me. I take inspired action and I let myself have fun. I allow myself the freedom to change my mind.

I owe myself my loyalty first, and I will not fake it ever gain. When it comes to being professional, I fulfill my contractual obligations, but I also, make the contract. I do things my way. Any client I work with aligns with me. My businesses, my rules. My life, my rules.

I am in the feminine energy of flow, surrender and creativity. I use my masculine energy to take inspired action when it is needed and it’s still fun! It has never been easier, I have never wanted to “work” so much in any life. For the first time, I’m happy to call myself a business woman.

I used to resist being called that for so long. However, I was so tired of the toxic productivity and hustle culture. I didn’t even like calling myself an entrepreneur at one point. It gave the impression that I liked to work hard. I’ll be the first to admit it, I don’t. You’re not gonna ever catch me working hard, and if you do, please remind me of who I am.

I refuse to work hard at the expense of my youth and life force energy. I refuse to spend years as a strong, hard-working, independent woman, just to get sick when I’m in the prime of my 40s. Nope, not in my story.

Reframing Failure

When we fail, that is just a rerouting in the GPS of life. While we took those extra turns and twists, we still will got there. We arrive at the destination with a better understanding of the entire map! If we took the intended route, it would be too similar. I like to switch things up and keep things fresh.

Failure is just taking the scenic route.

I still wouldn’t change a thing

I don’t regret those years of struggling with jobs. I don’t even consider them as wasted years. Yes, it would have been nice to figure it all out and take the easy route. Wouldn’t that be so boring though?

There will always be a place for what we have now, and many jobs and careers will always be needed. But there is also a place for the healers, shamans and activators in the world. We are more than just these bodies, this life, and this planet. We are a part of God, we are infinite and cannot be contained.