I’m ready to spill some tea, get your cups ready! It seems like another lifetime since I began this journey of mental, spiritual, and physical evolution. This journey that we call life, is ever-changing and unfolding in ways we may not understand. We all reach certain checkpoints that define us. I want to take you back to one of mine. This was the moment my life had both begun and ended simultaneously.
My previous life
I was in college and I seemed to finally be back on my feet. Before that, I was in and out of stranger’s homes and even a shelter. I hustled to graduate high school early, whilst working as much as I could. I was stuck supporting myself and balancing looming family feuds from the time I was fifteen.
By seventeen my hard work had finally got me somewhere and I “settled ” in a comfortable shared room. Life seemed to be getting back on track, I had got a car, I was in school, and I was no longer homeless. On the outside, I had made it back to a stable place in life.
I pushed past all the obstacles in my way and had come out on top. Yet, something still felt very off. I had been in survival mode for so long that when I finally got some peace, it didn’t feel like it. The trauma of the past few years of my life had left me feeling broken. I never felt safe, I couldn’t ever relax, I was always tired, and I felt very bitter.
I was angry at life, I was angry at god. I didn’t understand why I had to sacrifice my innocent youth and miss the experiences my peers were having. This was a rough time for me, and even as I write this now I can connect back to that little girl who felt so hopeless at the time. She was depressed, she was lost, and she didn’t see the point of it all.
I thought I would be happy once I finally got it together, but the simple truth is I wasn’t. After a brutal talk with myself and god, I decided once and for all to stop pitying myself. This was the moment my life changed. This was my checkpoint.
The moment it all changed
All of a sudden I was able to leave the past behind and start fresh. I no longer felt like a victim of a bad experience. I no longer felt like I was born for no reason. I truly believed that life happened (and happens) for me. I thought of life not as this one-time thing, but an infinite experience of a soul’s evolution into fulfillment. I alchemized my experience and committed to being a better person, for everyone.
I finally decided that I deserved to be happy. I no longer allowed myself to make excuses to be miserable. I answered the call after years because I knew in my heart that under the mask, I always wanted to make the world a better place. I decided I will use my knowledge and the old soul people always claimed they saw in me, for good.
I no longer felt like a victim
I found my whole world expanding at an ever-increasing speed! I discovered concepts I would have never imagined were possible. I had the realization that my life didn’t have to look like everyone else’s! This was liberating. All of a sudden, life was fun again. Not to exaggerate, but I felt like I finally had something to live for.
I became willing to embrace all my weirdness. After a few youtube channels, many side hustles, and a crystal shop I found what works. It’s sharing my raw and authentic journey and helping as many people as I can through theirs. I figured, why not use my experience to do this and why not start now?
I always used to let my age hold me back. However, once I got real, I realized I was the oldest person my age. Since a child, I have been this way. It just so happened to become elevated when life started playing games with me. It’s okay, I have the privilege of earning my lessons early.
Call me a cat because I have nine lives
Do you see what I did there? That was a funny cat joke. In all seriousness, I felt like by the age of 20, I had already lived three lives. I didn’t even mention how I moved to another state on a whim with my high school boyfriend. But that’s a story for another day.
Nowadays, I forget how much I know and how far I’ve come. Moments like this remind me that every soul is unique and some things can’t be measured in numbers. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are. Sometimes we just have a lot of stuff to deal with.
So… Now you know a huge part of my not-so-secret past. Does anyone else feel lighter, or is it just me?
